Ambivalent One

This week has been almost unbearable. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in great spirits but I spent the week having to find creative ways of letting customers know they are stupid without just stating it. Here, I’ll give you an example. Any of you who work with me probably heard me go off on a mini-rant when I got this customer and also know exactly where I’m coming from with this. Here we go, hold on to your pants because you are about to shit them.

Sean: In Outlook Express click on the mail tab. How many accounts do you see listed there?
Customer: 8
Sean: You see 8 accounts listed in the mail tab?
Customer: Oh, sorry. There is one listed in the mail tab. I was looking at the all tab.
Sean: What is the account named?
Customer: It’s a Hotmail account.
Sean: Do you use this account?
Customer: I don’t know… do I?
Sean: If you do not use that account you can select it and click the remove button.
Customer: Ok
Sean: Ok?
Customer: Yes.
Sean: What do you mean by “Ok”?
Customer: It’s gone now.
Sean: We’ll now set up your account using the account wizard. Click on the add button and then mail. This will start the wizard.
Customer: Where is the wizard?
Sean: Click on the add button then mail.
Customer: I don’t see that.
Sean: In the internet accounts window the add button can be found in the upper right-hand corner.
Customer: What’s that?
Sean: It’s the window we have been working in for the last five minutes.

I know that seems minor… it is minor really. However when you spent the week running on three to four hours of sleep a night it’s very easy to get irritated. Especially when EVERY customer has A.D.D. Imagine if every person you encountered for a week would get about 2 minutes into a conversation and then forget what you were talking about:

“Oh shit!!! My leg has been severed!!!” I scream as I squirm in a pool of my own blood. “Stay calm dude!!! How did this happen?!” Asks a nice bystander whose voice sounds near frantic. “I don’t know! One minute it was there and the next it was gone!” I calmly inform him. “What’s gone?” He asks. “…MY LEG” I scream in to his face as I clutch at his collar. “ OH SHIT! Your leg is gone dude!!!” He informs me. “Call and ambulance or I swear that with my last dying breath I will ram my hand down your throat, grab your heart and tear it out” Maybe he’ll understand that. “Why do you need an ambulance?” He asks as my precious life blood sprays on his coat and face. “DUDE! YOUR LEG IS GONE!”

Anyways… the week is over now. Spent tonight working on Cisco labs with Dom. That’s all well and good but it was hard to do considering how ridiculously tired I am. I guess I’m not all that tired if I had the power left in me to come home and write a blog entry. I get to sleep in! Yay!!! I think my next blog entry will be a review of Paul Oakenfold's Great Wall album. I think it's super rad.

Posted by Sean at 1/29/2004 01:06:00 AM | Permalink | Comments

A while back Tina informed us about a bot you could chat to on AIM. I added the bot and chatted with it for a bit. I got bored so I gave it a warning. Well. The aftermath to that warning was and is far more entertaining than the bot itself. You see, when you warn the bot it adds your AIM name to a list on a webpage and then people flame you through AIM. At first I would just spout various things about how the bot had insulted my parentage or my sexual orientation just to get them to leave me alone. I have decided however that I will engage these individuals in conversation. Here is a chat that I had with Trans7621. That of course makes me the other party in the chat, dv8simple. Read it here .

Posted by Sean at 1/24/2004 05:08:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

Recently I opted to upgrade my internet service to a business class account. My thought process was this: My internet speed is great and I want to host my webpage using my connection. I will upgrade to a business class account so that I can do this without having to worry about my ISP blocking my webserver port. As an added bonus I get double the upload speed!!! That's pretty rad. That and it only costs $20 more a month. I would be severely retarded if I don't upgrade. The longer I sit here not upgrading the more stupid I am. That being said, much to the confusion of my co-workers I proceeded to upgrade my account.

For a week it was like I was in heaven. I could pirate music efficiently, my porn loaded on my screen almost instantly and my webpage was up, running and unblocked by the Rogers NOC drones... All was well in the green forest. All the animals were content. The Giant was quiet in his castle. The second week we had extremely slow browsing. I ran some tests and confirmed that it was packet loss. So armed with this information I called in to have a trouble ticket logged for my account.

For my brother it was a different story altogether. We were just switching over to day shifts and he decided he was going to stay awake to reset his sleep pattern. Unbeknownst to me while I slumbered peacefully on my pillow top mattress, snuggled beneath my comforter the world came to an end for him. The Giant had awoken. I was alerted when I woke up and went to have my shower. On the floor outside my door I found a note... Scribbled with rage. "The internet went down today and I was trying to stay awake so that I wouldn't be tired for our day shifts and I couldn't play my fucking Final Fanta-fucking-sy... I lost control and I've slaughtered all of the happy bunnies and chirping birds...%$&#*% ##(@(%(**& &&^%%#@ @@@!!!Y F@!!!....." I glanced nervously at his closed door as I made my way in to the bathroom. While showering I could swear I heard muffled screams and crying.

As I exited the bathroom I was greeted by the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. My brother was huddled in the corner naked with a red magic marker in his hand... He was talking to himself... I couldn't make out his words. As the rest of the hallway came in to focus it became clear what I had heard while showering. The walls, ceiling and carpet were covered in writing. "All work and no Final Fanta-fucking-sy make Chris a dull boy" Turning back to my brother I'm startled to see he's looking at me, eyes bloodshot and tears streaming down his rage-reddened cheeks. "HOTMAIL WON'T LOAD!!!" He looks like he's about to pounce so I toss my dirty underwear to the side to distract him as I dash in to my bedroom and slam the door behind me. I press my back to the door to keep him from getting in. I can hear animal sounds in the hallway and then silence. A few minutes pass and I can now hear a strange sound behind me. Turning to my left I can see something being squeezed through the crack between the door and the frame... It's my underwear. "What the fuck" I mouth silently. Tentatively I reach out and pull the underwear out of the crack. They look chewed up. Unfolding them I see what he had done. Before I fainted I realized that my underwear had been chewed into the likeness of a wizard... as I lay on the floor with my vision dimming our eyes met under the door. The last thing I heard was him whispering :"It's slower than dial up Sean"

Posted by Sean at 1/24/2004 03:10:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

It’s a bit crowded in here. We wait patiently for a table. None of the employees has acknowledged our presence. I mention that to Dom, then as an after though I add “I guess they won’t come and state the obvious.” The place is packed and my only option is to either face in to the restaurant and watch people eat or face Dom and my brother and present my ass to the nearest table. I present my ass to the nearest table. Four people come in to the four square foot “lobby” at the door. It’s a guy and three women. The guy asks how long we’ve been waiting and I tell him “Two hours man.” His eyes widen slightly and I let him know I’m kidding. We all share in some laughter. They talk amongst themselves and we are pressed together in that small area. In fact we are so close together that one of the ladies has her shoulder touching my chest. I tell her it’s nice to meet her she smiles and chuckles. At this point the guy heads out to see if there is another place nearby. They are meeting a group of people. He comes back about a minute later and as they are leaving she says bye. I tell her to have a good night.

We are still waiting. Dom tells me “Good flirt, if you had a few more minutes you could have gotten her number.” In all honesty I hadn’t realized that I flirted with her or that she had reciprocated. I’m stupid when it comes to that stuff. A few minutes pass and the one I had flirted with comes back and asks us to keep an eye out for some more people. I say asks us but she was talking to me. She leaves. Minutes pass and two women walk in and they look like they are searching for someone. We ask if they are looking for a group of people. They say they are. We direct them across the street to where the others went.

We now have our table and have placed out order. She comes back again and while looking at me asks if we can keep an eye out for additional people. Of course we will. When she’s gone Dom tells me I had 3 chances and blew them all… Two more women come in and look around. Dom says to them “You. Come here. I know you don’t know us but come here anyways. If you’re looking for a group of people they are across the street.” She looked like she was expecting us to tell her she was on candid camera. As they are leaving I tell them to tell everyone I say hi.

Now my question is this: Did I indeed miss an opportunity there? What do you think?

Posted by Sean at 1/19/2004 11:54:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

“Then I was like I swear I’ll kick your ass man. He’s all like trembling and shit, saying he’s sorry so I beat his ass in anyways…I had to. It’s the principle of it…” The group around this person seems to be in awe. They hang off his every word like it’s gospel. I sit in the background listening. There are times when I wonder how our species survived. I find myself listening to people around me wherever I may be. This world is full of bullshit and a lot of people cling to this bullshit. I know that sounds bitter and/or cynical but it’s based on observation.

I’m told I don’t seem to have interest or I don’t seem to care about the people around me. That’s not true at all. If I talk to you at all it means I’m not disinterested. I might not care very much about you, but I don’t hate you or dislike you. My hate is saved for special people who have earned it. My way of thinking is that when I meet someone they get the benefit of the doubt. You get a certain amount of trust. If you stick around long enough and you are a good person (by my standards) you get more of my trust and I will call you my friend. To stop being my friend you have to do something serious to violate my trust in you

Most people know my sense of humour well enough to know that when I make a comment about a statement that was made or when I make fun of someone it’s in jest. If I go too far I do feel bad and will apologize. So if you have been victim to my humour and were hurt by it I’m sorry. Take this comfort from it, it probably means I don’t hate you… either that or you provide too many openings for me to comment on. I’ll admit that I can be hypocritical sometimes. I can usually dish out and take insults but there are days that I can’t. That’s usually the day you don’t hear me talking much. People seem to notice my silence more. I don’t know if I should be flattered or insulted by that.

This post is more like a diary entry for me. I know that’s the core of blogging. So take what you will from this entry. Even if it’s just knowing my thoughts a little better. Oh yeah, and eat shit.

Posted by Sean at 1/16/2004 04:03:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

I went to my first class last night. Dom and I showed up a few minutes late because we got stuck in traffic and then had to locate the right building. It could be argued that we should have left earlier... but eat shit. When we walked in to the class the teacher was talking. He looked at us and directed us to pick up some papers and find a seat. At this point I introduced myself. "I'm Sean". Then we sat down. The teacher then went over the college tools and webpages we had access to and gave us passwords for school related items. He decided we needed a break to explore the hardware in the class while he set up our usernames and passwords for the Cisco Net academy. During this time Dom informs me that introducing myself was some sort of social gaffe and that he distanced himself from me when I did it... I can only think of one situation in which introducing yourself would be foolish or stupid even. Walking in on a murder in progress or some violent crime... Hello there Axe Murderer, my name is Sean!

Posted by Sean at 1/14/2004 01:51:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

I can't feel my legs. In order to accommodate my school schedule I've gone from working late evenings to early mornings. So last night I worked from 6pm until 1:30am, went home and chilled for 5 hours and then drove back to work. Maybe I'm getting old but staying awake like this turns me into a retard. I remember being able to stay awake for days before... It wasn't too bad earlier but I noticed that I'm starting to deteriorate. I was outside smoking and keeping to myself when I realized that some guy had been talking at me for 10 minutes. I don't know if I was interacting with him autonomously but he seemed to think I was actively participating in the conversation. I wonder if it seemed rude when I turned around and walked in to the building while he was in mid-sentence. Whatever, it was pretty inconsiderate of him to talk to me when I wasn't listening. I went in to the bathroom and stood at the urinal for 2 minutes before it dawned on me that I didn't need to go to the washroom. I then washed my hands for ten minutes. When I came back in to the chat area I had a nice conversation with one of the new chatters. Dom tells me I stood there making animal sounds.

Posted by Sean at 1/11/2004 12:48:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

I look up and our eyes lock. They pierce and captivate me. These eyes know me. For an eternity I’m lost in her. She speaks words that send shivers down my spine. I watch her mouth as she speaks. She smiles. Her lip gloss enhances her smile. Finishing a sentence she purses her lips and licks them before continuing. Speechless I’m content to simply listen to her melodious voice as she tells me things. Things I can’t believe. Things that are too good to be true. It doesn’t matter. I want this. Lifting her hand up she gently places her hair behind her ear. A small nicely shaped ear. I want to reach out and run my hand through her hair. I want to bring her in to me. I want to kiss her ear and smell her hair. Her eyes see me. They know my thoughts. She knows my desire. I lean in slightly. She smiles and turns to her friend. It’s a guy with a British accent. He seems like a good guy but I want her to tell me more. As her friend speaks she glances at me while she acknowledges his words. I can tell she wants to tell me more. Turning back to me she says: “Extendex has worked for millions of men and it can work for you too! We’re so confident that we will send you the first bottle for free.”

Posted by Sean at 1/10/2004 06:27:00 AM | Permalink | Comments

The things you think about while smoking. Damn it’s cold. Why am I out here? I hear the telltale beat of a DJ Remy live set I’ve been listening to playing back in my mind… The words “I see you” repeated over a heavy bass line and a hypnotic drum rhythm. People ask why I like trance. It’s very easy to just close your eyes and let your imagination run wild. As a guy this inevitably leads to thoughts of sex. I like trance. Man my car is dirty. I should get it washed. School starts soon. I should get some supplies. I had a great summer. I wouldn’t mind having that kind of summer again. Mmm… summer. Warmth. I miss the warmth. Looking down I see my shoes. They are in a bad state. You’ve seen better days shoes. There’s a rabbit in the garden. It stares at me unmoving. I wonder if it thinks I can’t see it. I turn to spit, my saliva dribbles off the flap on my coat zipper. Super. I spit on my self. Walking out to the end of the laneway I toss the cigarette into the street. My ash tray. I need to quit.

Posted by Sean at 1/09/2004 07:18:00 AM | Permalink | Comments

I was at work today and it was getting a little busy. All the chatters suddenly got a Java console message basically asking us to install something for the chat software we use. Everyone accepted it except me. I declined it to see what would happen. Well, both my chats were disconnected and I had to reboot the computer just to be able to log in again. Customers stopped coming in and we started joking about how I broke the server. It was all fun and games until they threw half of the chat agents on to the phones. I managed to escape it... I think everyone wants to kill me now. As I write this I see some agents sharpening their knives and looking at me when they think I don't see. I think I even saw one agent cleaning their rifle scope... I'm a little scared...

Update:
I got put on phones but I only took one call. It was a forty minute call with a Memphis super-retard. So if I did crash the server I think I paid my dues ten-fold.

Posted by Sean at 1/07/2004 09:37:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

I went to my great grandmother's funeral yesterday. I feel a little confused about it. She's been an infrequent presence in my life since I was born. A lot of the memories I have of growing up and spending time with my grandparents on my mothers side include her in some way. The fact of the matter is I didn't see her all that much growing up even though she is present in a lot of my memories. My mom was telling me that she would always have gum ready for me when we went over there. I remember her having an endless supply of ginger ale.

She's always lived near Pumpkin (my grandmother). My cousins and I would go over to her apartment and race up and down the stairs (14 floors), then we would get ginger ale and go out on the balcony and spit on the people coming out of or going in to the building. Her apartment was directly above the main entrance. Sweet.

To get back to the confusion I mentioned but didn't explain... I don't feel sad. I find it hard to feel sad for someone who lived such a long and full life. She seems to have had a positive effect on all those around her and in her life. My mom tells me she cannot recall her ever judging anyone, which is unusual considering the time in which she was born and raised. Being able to accept people the way they are is an admirable quality and in my opinion puts her ahead of her time. I had to hold back tears at the burial when my grandmother and my mom started crying.

Grand Maman Lalonde, you will be missed but you live on in those whose life you entered or were part of. That makes you immortal.

Lucette Lalonde 1910 - December 27th 2003

Posted by Sean at 1/06/2004 05:47:00 AM | Permalink | Comments

I first met her on-line just a little over a year ago. Something about her just grabbed me and wouldn’t let go. I would sneak away a little every day and look at her profile on a website I frequented. She lived in the States and I was heart broken that we would probably never meet.

Months passed and all hope had slowly faded. I wandered around trying to fill the hole she had left in my heart when I found her working at a store near where I live! I immediately asked her if she would be mine. She said yes!!!

We went out for dinner and she looked ravishing. We had great conversation, it’s like we were meant to be together. It’s like she could read my mind and always knew exactly what to say. When I got home I invited her in for a drink. Well… one thing led to another… it was the best night of my life. Everything felt so right!

Well, it may seem abrupt but I’ve asked her to always be with me and she said yes again!

The happy couple.

Posted by Sean at 1/04/2004 05:25:00 AM | Permalink | Comments