I've been working ridiculously early for the last week. It seems that accommodating my schedule preference has come at a price. It seems that my starting at six in the morning has has cost almost everyone else their soul.
It's like Dawn of the dead out there... Only weirder. Driving in to work I look in to cars as I pass them. The occupants are all slack jawed and staring blankly ahead. As I pull in to the Tim Hortons parking lot I see a construction worker and a business man fighting over a copy of The Ottawa Sun. I don't know why... That paper's only redeeming quality is the sunshine girl in the sports section. Even that is a game of Russian roulette. On occasion the choice they make leaves you scarred and wondering if there any real point to life... As the two of them are fighting I notice a rust coloured Ford Tempo streaking towards them. I think of shouting a warning... But what's the point? The driver blind sides them. The construction worker is thrown clear across the parking lot while the business man is pinned beneath the car. Abandoning the car the woman who had been driving dives out the window and snatches the paper from the hands of the struggling business man. Holding her prize above her head the woman ambles off down the road screaming at the top of her lungs.
Briefly I consider going in to order as there is a long line in the drive through. I quickly discard that idea as I look through the windows of the shop. As I pull up to the line an old man gets thrown through the window. He gets up immediately, seemingly un-injured and start screaming about double double and hurls maple dip donuts at the nearest person. I know this because I'm Canadian. We can smell maple a mile away.
After what seemed like an eternity in line it's finally my turn to order. I sit there looking at the speaker for five minutes before I hear anything. "Mrrrmmmmrrrrmmmeh?!" Is what I'm finally asked. Assuming I had just been asked what I would like I give my order "Good morning! Can I get an extra large coffee with two creams and four sugars please?" More silence, and then "DOUBLE DOUBLE!!!" Apparently "Mrrrmmmmrrrrmmmeh?!" wasn't a query, I was being told what I wanted. Not caring at this point I thank the disembodied voice and drive to the pick-up window. There's a guy there staring at me and not speaking. Uncomfortable I extend out my hand offering my money in exchange for the goods I had ordered. In the background I see one employee trying to tip over the ice cappuccino machine and another head butting the cash register with all their might. My gaze shifts back to the guy at the drive through window. He's still just staring at me. Seeing my coffee on the counter I decide to just deposit my money on the window sill and lunge for the coffee. Once it is safely in my hands I floor it and my car screetches away from the window. I see the guy jump out and start chasing me on foot. Thankfully my car was fast enough to outrun him.
I like coffee. It stops me from being a zombie.
